Post-Christmas wish?

My recruiter called me early this evening to update me on my application status. She said she'll give me my verdict next week. Is it plain wrong to hope that I'll land the job? God knows I badly need one and this recent job application pretty much sealed my experience with it. I want it. It's going to break my fucking heart if I don't get it but life will go on. I just hope I'll get over it quickly by getting another decent job offer. Searching for project management jobs isn't exactly rampant. Apart from this field of expertise I don't know where else I'll fit. Sure, there's the psychology/psychometrician part but the opportunity of getting a job in that area is rarer than a pink diamond.

I really, really hope.

Map of my head

1. These RM-Barca shit practically sent my GAF down to 60. I don't know where to pull the anger from the last el clasico (which in a way, I could be grateful for being unable to watch it) issues so I settled for crying whenever wherever I could. I'd probably self medicate myself with zoloft before the season ends. That said, now I know that my seasonal quota for el clasico matches are 3-4 (2 from La Liga, 1 from CDR and 1 from CL). Beyond that, I'm going to be a wreck.

2. I broke external hard drive. That just piled my unending lists for crying these days. My gifs, songs, videos, torrents, my fucking life was in that HD and it all boiled down to Ubuntu crashing with my HD connected. Fuck my life a million times over. I sent the HD to the distributor and try as I might, they might repair it (aka reformat) or give me a new one. Either way, I'm fucked and I'm not happy with Western Digital nowadays. To think everybody's goddamn boasting over their superiority among the HD competition.

3. I'm really getting pissed off with my boss. First for the incident several weeks ago which he'd practically insulted my educational attainment and last week for subtly dismissing my hard work on the project. Well they can eat their own shit because I'm ready to pack my bags and say adios to them. I'm just hoping someone would call me up for a new job already. The thing I'll only miss if I leave my current company is the very loose work schedule. Going to work at 9am and leaving around 4pm for like 3 days a week is a boon I'm never going to be not grateful for. Just don't make me face my boss weekly.

4. My addiction to gay ebooks right now is frightening in its intensity. I unknowingly took a sabbatical from the Merlin fandom already although I still take a peek whenever I could. My torrent is suffering from it (that is, my ratio is regressing while I'm stuck unable to seed because my files are in my ruined HD and karma's a bitch). I practically devour an ebook or two a day and for sure, my eyes are going to suffer after this. As in suffer blind.

5. My only other source of joy right now is my half craptastic iPod. I'm going to call Power Mac tomorrow and ask if there's something they can do for the poor click wheel sensitivity (replace it or something while my warranty is still valid).

A little while longer

1. I got a question mark (?) for my case study exercise using the psychodynamic model. The last time I got a question mark on a paper was years ago when I'd worked on my thesis. I'm appalled at myself and cognitively scared shitless that's I'm a failure for my defended model.

2. Work doubles but I'm taking it one step a time. A good thing boss 2 is back by Monday. I really don't want to run do a 5-minute walk every time I need a paper to be signed by the project manager.

3. I really want a new work already. If it's not US Embassy it would be NCMH. The problem with the latter is I have to submit my CV at the office. Emails aren't their forte, obviously.

4. Downright exhausted. I really can't function properly when work and school are done one after the other.

Something new

Finally bought an external hard drive and let me tell you, it was a huge relief for me and my laptop. I got the 500GB Passport Essential from WD, one of the best in storage according to the internet and perhaps the people around me too. Recently found out two of my bosses and my dad have their own. It's good that it worked right out of the box for Linux and now I'm eyeing the Book Essential 2TB. I know, I know. I really thought 500GB would be enough for me but from the way things are piling up with all the new downloads, it looks like I need a bigger one soon. The 2TB costs around 7k, nearly twice the price of my 500GB but it's going to be definitely worth it. If that happens I need to buy a USB extension hub too.

Just last week I saw this brochure for NEO laptops and looks like it won't be too far in the future to have an internal HDD of 1TB for laptops. The one from NEO had a 640GB HDD. Compared to my measly 130GB, my laptop really is in the oldies generation. But I'd rather wait for the regular pouring of new laptop models than buy a revolutionary one at this point. Who knows what other knick knacks will be added.

Dreaming up

At least I can still remember my blasted dream where I think I was celebrating my birthday but my cake got dumped on the floor. I called the baker--who was this hot long-haired character in a yaoi manga--who reassured me he can patch the cake up (the icing on top was ruined). Switched a scene and Dr. D--who was my psychopathology professor--invited me for coffee after school but got cancelled last minute because he was interviewing someone. A bit twisted especially since my emotions were rolling towards adoration towards the two men. Is that a clairvoyant way to telling me I'll go single for the rest of my life? Or that's just the dramatic side of me blabbering.

A bit of here and there

It's either I have to get a place of my own or be stuck without internet for a month before I can probably try writing again. That I have to give in and stop feeling pretentious that I still can produce something good. I've already accepted that I can only make pretty good prompts and sadly, that's not enough to produce two thousand words at my disposal. I'd seriously rather read the whole day and amuse myself in a sedentary lifestyle.

I still have tons to do when I get back to the office, hopefully by Tuesday. I'm not feeling well due to dysmenorrhea, which is a monthly occurrence but still a major fallout for my productivity. And my productivity's prolific as clean air in the metro. School work is not that heavy... yet. I'm as bad as I was a student in my college years. I don't read lessons in advance, I do my homework last minute and my 100% is 75% at best.

It's too late to start a film tonight since I plan to wake up by 2am for Real Madrid's game. At least this time I won't have to compromise with my work.

Watch and see

List of Films/Docus To Watch:

1. BBC's The Story of Maths
2. Sympathy for Lady Vengeance
3. Raise the Red Lantern
4. The Lady from Shanghai
5. Lust Caution (I've seen this already but it's worth another viewing)
6. Good Will Hunting (I know! I know!)
7. Bangkok Love Story
8. Let The Right One In
9. Memento
10. Happy Together
11. Bande A Part
12. My Neighbour Totoro
13. Infernal Affairs Trilogy (I've seen the first two, and the third is shitty but it's Andy Lau and Tony Leung!)
14. Fallen Angels
15. Saiyuki Requiem
16. BBC Horizon: Fix Me
17. BBC Horizon: Parallel Universes
18. BBC Horizon: The Secret You
19. BBC Horizon: Why Are We Alone In The Universe?
20. BBC Horizon: Who's Afraid of a Big Black Hole?
21. Battle Royale (I've seen this before unfortunately I saw it without subs lol so I have to watch it again)

~

List of Films/Docus to Download:

1. Silmido
2. Joint Security Area
3. My Wife is a Gangster (probably the first installment only)
4. Danny the Champion of the World
5. Turandot


Goodness, this is the first time I've done an audit on Torrent Downloads folder and I'm a bit overwhelmed by how long my list is. Obviously, I'm not a big fan of Horizon LOL but I'm a sucker for anything science. I got tons of Asian films here because when it comes to mood pieces, no one can beat us [Asians] in capturing the essential empathy. I also have several European films, of course. At least this is still manageable. I can't even begin to fathom how long the queue for my reading list is. Some of the books I have are already missing before I could even read them.

My To Download list is a bit bare because I really have a weak short term memory and I only search for them when I remember. There might be some films I'll get from 2010's Cannes and I still have a very long list of Korean and Japanese films I intend to find.

Week roundup

This week has been the most hectic for possibly the last few years of my employment. Technically, I can't blame anyone for what I'm suffering. I did force myself to get up at 2am on Monday to watch Real Madrid's match which was downright frustrating for tying against Almeria. That gave Barcelona a step closer for La Liga. All is not lost still, and there's the Copa and CL. Monday meeting was an absolute pain because I had to fight closing my eyes longer than two seconds before I eat my keyboard. By the time I got home I was on the 21-hour mark of being awake. I got my Jansport bag though; quite content with it, too. Wednesday kind of killed me since I had a meeting and a class afterwards. The project owns me a fucking massage for lugging my laptop here and there. I nearly went to get one earlier but the heavy rain deterred me and I still have another fucking meeting tomorrow so I guess the massage will be on weekend to savour it.

Australian Open started last Monday which obviously up until now I've yet to watch a match. That and the Golden Globes although I just want to check the who's-wearing-who. Anyway, Real Madrid will have another match later and I've learned my lesson properly because I'm still paying the huge mistake of Monday until now. All I can do when I'm at home is go into coma, read fics and stare at Twitter. I fucked up my week.

Reacquaintance met

I finally got my long desired table in my room so a big thump at the back for me. I was just too lazy to spare time to buy one. Finally I can live in my room. No one's going to bother me here except the occasional folks checking if I'm starting to fossilize. I want my own office chair still because I'm a sucker like that but damn if they aren't more expensive than PC tables. Ugh.

My dentist appointment was a whack; I had to wait for nearly two hours to get accommodated. At least I had the chance to have merienda before I was stuck in my seat. The upside to my long wait was my renewed chance of reading Measure for Measure. I seriously have to give it to Shakespeare because I've yet to encounter a work of his I detest. His humor and twisted plot ideas are simply ingenious. Antonio being the regent with a stick up his arse as a ruler versus Isabella, the virtuous and snake-tongued bitch that she is. Their ideas with a head on collision and the unexpected knee wobbling from Antonio; that's a surprise that barely kept me from squeeing at the clinic. I'd let Claudio get his head lopped off but of course that would end the play right there. To think my Shakespeare appreciation was a total fluke. My first try was Macbeth which I have to reread sometime before I start with Hamlet; I had it around 2007 then I finished it after like a year LOL because of work and of course I had to get familiar on reading plays and Early Modern English. But once I got the hang of it, it was more like a cake walk to laugh and be moved by his works.

Real Madrid's loss against Levante will be spared of my analysis because I'm too lazy to catch up to old matches unless it is something spectacular of the good kind. We got in the quarterfinals, if I recall right, and I'd rather focus on CL. For tonight it's going to be a match against Villareal and from the way my eyes are giving me less pain, I'll have higher chances of watching it. The Australian Open will start on the 17th! Man, I really want to get reacquainted with tennis and golf this year. The least I can do to de-stress because at least tennis and golf tournaments are GMT friendlier for me. We'll still see though. I've checked Aussie Open's website, there are quite a handful of new female tennis players though it's a good thing I still know most male players. No idea who are the top seeds but I'll just wait until the start of the grand slam. Is Hewitt still playing though? The French Open has a special place in my heart though among the four grand slams. I'll write about that probably when May comes and I'm back with tennis.

Work related, consultant already emailed a sample paragraph. I haven't seen it though, I need to keep my sanity intact for the weekend before it all goes down the hell drainage. I hate quotas.

Falling like the rain so

Post new year meet up with B was a productive one in terms of keeping tabs on Korean dramas and gay couple awards haha. While I recommended her The Housemaid (which you should watch too), she gave the two thumbs up for Fugitive B and Athena--both action/adventure Kdramas. That Baker Kim which GMA just bought could nearly pass as a Filipino telenovela for its hardcore angst. I'm not into that since all the baker had wanted to specialize in was pandesal, family drama not withstanding.

I didn't go to work today but I went back to the office by late afternoon for C's treat at Conti's. We were supposed to go to Katipunan but had decided to go for Trinoma instead for the extra window shopping. I have to note though that compared to the humongous space Conti's has at Greenbelt, their Trinoma branch has the opposite. Their pesto sucked bigtime, but the allegria was decent if not quite scalding hot upon my first taste. Of course, the perennial mango bravo was the ordered dessert. I had to walk back to SM North for the transport terminal but first I have to rant on the injustice of that goddamn Skywalk. I had to walk from Trinoma to Cyberzone and obviously I had to traverse the entire length of SM North which was 43081 miles long. I kept expecting for the Cyberzone building with the signature huge LCD to pop by the next several metres or so but had quitted the overall expectation when I realized I was barely halfway through the main building. I had the constant question if it's even worth buying a new phone right now. Honestly, I just had the idea because everyone around me got new ones. I don't have an issue with my meagre budget but I have an issue with the current phone models available. I believe at this point, the technological advancement of mobile phones is on the verge of a thorough overhaul with the apparent popularity of touch screen and Android OS. Probably in the next few years, the iPhone would be useless unless Apple and other phone makers would welcome the idea of doing it laptop/PC style. Buy a mobile phone and pick your choice of OS. Therefore, there is a chance that keypad based mobile phones would go adieu in the coming years. That kind of phone, I want. For sure even the cheapest would already be a touch screen. In the mean time, while I'm temporarily stuck in limbo for the idea of getting one, I'll stick by my ancient P990i.

Green-blue-yellow-orange

Six hours of sleep was never a standard for me, good thing the impromptu meeting with the project's consultant was bordering on informal and I didn't have to exert too much effort in taking down notes. I did, however, exert more than necessary effort in searching for a bloody extension for the laptop. The supply, bless them for their rare incompetence, lost track of the three they have. Pure fluke for our division to have several although I had to unplug a PC for half a day as a sacrifice. Also, I didn't know I was also supposed to develop items. It's not exactly in my contract, and since I'm forced I might as well ensure my name is among the developers. Granted, it's only for the verbal reasoning but the consultant was asking for a more complicated format of items; I'm not also spared from the quota. I hate it and I'm half excited, damn the chance of my items getting in the final draft. I just wish the school would offer a test development elective. That's what's really I'm into aside from the usual responsibilities in psych testing.

Foundations was a blast, let me tell you. The prof's a funny oddball who really can make connections with our class. There are several first term students, understandable, and I'm sure they're cool with the setting too. My excitement for Foundations, however, is inversely proportional with the mere thought of GroThe. I am exaggerating, yes, that's my forte but the some of the company won't be good. The great thing about this term though is that despite not having the same class with S and S, we could still meet up after class due to our same schedules. D texted me earlier about the book we were encouraged to buy for Foundations. It was unfortunately unavailable at the bookstore and at NBS, apparently, it will cost nearly five grand for the special order. Holy buggering fuck. And I'd thought the worst price I could hear was three grand at most. No way am I going to buy that. It's more expensive than the bloody DSM! I am however, going to borrow a book from a classmate who is suicidal enough to get one and photocopy it.

I might go to office tomorrow to meet B for awhile. We need a post-new year chat kind of bad. CD might treat R and I if she won't get sick tonight. Just the thought of the mango bravo is sufficient to fuel my quite unnecessary trip back there. Miraculously, the tally of my presence at the office this week is three. That should be the limit; unless free food calls.

Drink to that

Here's to practically two Christmases and New Years without bursting a lung. I'm pointing at you Seretide. I don't miss it though especially now that I don't have a medical benefit and quite sick of a yearly shot of corticosteroid to ease my breathing. Asthma isn't a fun way to kill oneself. For one, it requires a long and painful suffering. Two, gasping for air is no graceful way of kicking the bucket. Anyway, I remember being rushed to the ER in 2008 and 2009 for just that. The second year of that blasted episode, I was diagnosed by a resident of having pneumonia that had forced me to purchase killer antibiotics. Dad forced me to get a new specialist, pronounced pneumonia free albeit not bronchitis free, then shoved for a pulmonary function test. Let me tell you, boy was it torture to the sixth degree. I have to emphasize that I was still recuperating therefore I could still not breathe properly then I undergo breathing tests where I had to ensure cutting and holding my breathe against air pressure and all that jazz. Results obviously showed weak lungs but I have to give it to my still healing state. Steroid still saves my arse after all these years. I guess there won't be another substance out there to replace it while I'm still alive.

Spontaneously amazed

I feel so fucking tired. At least going to the office today wasn't a useless escapade albeit the lack of internet connection since yesterday. Everyone's back and Sir G dropped by, treated us to lunch (crispy ulo FTW) before flying back to Indonesia by evening. It's so good to see him, he's been more of a father figure at the office for me than a boss and regaling us with his usual comedic tales from his study abroad never failed to make us laugh. I'm so looking forward to this Friday and next Friday. This coming Friday because CD might finally (finally!) treat Ron and I for a food trip. It's either Conti's or Banapple; either would be lovely since I'm just in for the cake. I also would meet up with Beth this Friday to get some moolah; heaven knows I've been gagging for that cute PC table at the mall. Mum's all for it so it won't be a big waste. I'll be all cooped up in my room if ever that happens. I want to buy my own office chair but that's probably for another day. For the second Friday, well, you do know the date for that of course.

What else? Don't even bother inquiring about books. The list is getting longer, not shorter mind you. I'm still stuck with Measure for Measure and The Origin of Species. Most likely I still have other books with bookmarks somewhere but ignorance is bliss, yeah? I'm kind of itching to read Sandman which was a lovely gift from Richard, but I don't have a high tolerance for guilty so there.

I also will have to go back to office come Thursday for a sudden called up meeting with the consultant. I can understand the situation but not the schedule. Cut me some slack, will you? I most likely will be half asleep in the meeting since school starts by tomorrow night.

A summary of 2010 and some 2011 shit would be interesting, I used to do it for several years albeit chunky. Still not in the mood though but I hope I'll get the inspiration before January ends.

Pointing up

Everyone will be back to their work tomorrow except me haha. A good thing too since I've yet to adjust back to my regular sleeping schedule; I guess I'll just have to force myself come Monday night. School starts on Wednesday, I'm indifferent except for the small excitement of meeting my friends again. I'm not that happy with Group Therapy but I'll have to endure it. My quest for a new cheap phone is a headache inducing one. I already emailed Cors for her opinion about some of my choices. I'm not even sure if I should get a new one just because people around me are. Anyway, I only need a phone for texting, calling, using the calendar, GPRS and wi-fi. Practically all phones have those features so it's not supposed to be a big fucking deal. I'm good enough with a low budget and even if I get myself an iPhone 4, it'll go to waste because I hate phone games.

What should I do for 2011? Apply for a new job, that's for sure. I think I'm going to be extended till September but if I get a good new offer, I really have to let the project go no matter how difficult it is. I consider the project as my baby already since I mostly do the work, and the project members just do the yapping. It will be a bad point on my CV too but I'm not going to sacrifice a good job for it. I also should start saving up for our yearly vacation. Beth sure is expecting it, Zena for sure can save up but with me planning on a new phone, I'm a bit wobbly on that idea. I don't want to miss up on it though. Heaven knows that's the only source of fun I can have outside the city yearly. We'll see, then.

My perennial rant on writing is strong as ever. I'm not satisfied with bits and pieces of oneshots and drabbles yearly although I was never good at multi-chapter fics. If only I can turn my rants into a good hard motivation, I might be a happier person. I was pretty successful in revising some of my old fics. I really hope I can get back to revising at least before writing.