I will (never) be good

I woke up too early for my own taste; something to do with my monthly dues as the weaker sex. Ha. I took a bath finally after being stuck in limbo yesterday. That signifies how dead tired I am if I couldn't even be buggered to drag my sorry arse in the bathroom. So here I am slime and dust free and still feeling shitty. As always. It's not like there's something to do in this godforsaken house when the warring tension is near its breaking point.

Anyway C (I know she can read this and it's not as if she'll throw a tantrum for this, right?) is starting to unnerve me with her god-related aura blasting miles away. By all means I respect religion and all associated values to it despite being a self-disowned Catholic. I can't say I'm an atheist or an agnostic for that matter, it's just that trying to live without someone breathing down your neck and counting the good and the bad is a very interesting way of life. I don't think I need to go to church every week to help other people or say 'thank you' and 'I'm sorry' when required. I throw trashes in the garbage can properly, I try not to be obnoxious to those who deserve it and so on. The dharma-karma belief system is more appropriate in my current lifestyle I think. Karma has a broad meaning but Filipinos tag it as a consequence of a wrongdoing; Richard mentioned that it is an immediate consequence like when you steal something someone could catch you for the crime. I disagree to that notion since in my own stubborn opinion karma builds up like a lava erupting when the right moment comes. As a matter of fact, I can attest to such situation with the ongoing at the office right now. I maybe a woman but I wasn't born with enough compassion to hand out forgiveness like a high five. I hold grudges perfectly and I cuss at every turn I want. I obviously am no saint and I wholly accept it. Carpe diem right? There's a difference between acting out the insane impulses and having a nasty coagulated personality. Anyway I can only cackle and sneer at those people are suffering from their own corruption. Come on, I maybe ruthless but I don't believe in torture. I want a sudden and unexpected right hook to come their way. It would assure that the person cannot even think properly before shit hits them. It's a wonderful form of karma I'd say. I'm not beyond hitting below the belt when I feel like it. Is that cruelty? Sure but it's an ant bite compared to the overall mass of sins our race has had accumulate. I'd always recall Izzard's spiel on his Glorious tour about a dog being caught nicking a cookie and its master calling him out 'bad dog'. Dog became incredulous and inquired how human beings have incited genocide, pillage, and rape amongst other things while it only took a cookie and he was considered bad? Of course when you put it that way, it was a puny yet effective argument. People tend to deprecate Darwin for the notion that human beings came from apes yet have these people even read a portion of the Origin of Species or is it merely hearsay? It's pathetic. It's downright pathetic that we are at this point of the evolution; we are shitty enough to create religion, philosophy, technology and laws but we are not better than those from the Pleistocene Age. Yes now of course humans are naturally kind or so Kant or Heidegger once proclaimed but the goodness of the acts is still somehow connected to the rooted evil in our minds. No, I didn't have a brilliant grade in philosophy so bugger off, yes?

Anyway I don't even know what has gotten into me to even rant this. It's probably my suppressed aggression which will be a topic for another time. Back to reality, I uninstalled and installed Pidgin again but it still won't work properly. Fuck it. I really appreciate Ubuntu but there are times... or I can just throw this laptop and be done with it. Then I won't have something to put my private files on and I'll be buggered for the rest of my unemployment tenure. My iPod's dead and the charger is just a few meters away but I'm too lazy to even snatch it. Weekend should be Muse free to an extent that I will miss Matt so I will be Musing for the rest of the weekdays. Ha. Good tactic I should dare say.

My internet just got clipped. WTH. It's a good thing I transferred this on the notepad. My brain will probably combust if I try to analyze what's causing this shitty disruption. Fucktastic. Now it will force me to stand up.