Day 1

D gave me this assignment to work on as I did mention to her that I feel like going into depression. I'm going to give it a try despite that I already did one last night.

My job or the soon to be lack of thereof is highly affecting me. I've never hidden that aspect. I feel like I don't have to when I know my friends have the chance to help me. Honestly, I feel like I'm going nowhere. I want to believe that my career path is something others can be envious about but that would be hypocritical of me. My first job in Makati dealt with pre-employment screening. A continuous, stagnant work that doesn't have any sort of career development. I gave up on it after two years of gritting my teeth. The pay was higher than one would normally associate for a person's first job, but the high salary made up for the negative work environment. If there's one thing I hate most in a work, it's the environment and mentality acquired with it.

My second job gave me the opportunity to work in the government. In the military setting, specifically. It was a new and different challenge in the sense that the rules of work are far more relaxed compared to a private company. The work itself initially was lacking, as I was used to heavy workloads, until I renewed by contract by 2010 and was hired as the researcher of a particular project. The project itself is ambitious and important. Initially, it was a good challenge because it deals with psychological testing, which I consider one of my favorite topics in psychology. But like from my first work, the downside of my job were my team mates. The psychologists, in particular, feel the need to establish their knowledge and experience in every little thing in the project. A bit hypocritical of them to sprout about human behavior and call themselves psychologists in the first place when they never even got to finish their master's degree. Now, two years later, I'm ready to throw the towel and move on to another job.

My next job is sealed for a position in the government again. A division which I've coordinated with in the past two years I've handled the project on testing. The downside though is the difficulty in accessing the funds, as what my point of contact have said to me. I can't blame them for that because I know how tedious paper works are in the government. I gave me the wrong impression thought that sooner than later I can get in, and now almost a month after being given the 'congratulations', I'm stuck complacent. I didn't apply to any other jobs. And therein lies the problem.

What do I want to do with my life? I don't know. Even the appeal of finishing my master's degree has faded like a poor short-term memory. I just want to curl up somewhere in solitude and peace and read books forever. That's an unlikely dream though because I'm the breadwinner of the family, and the bills won't stop just because I want to lead a free life.